still can’t find what keeps me here
it would be a lie if i say that i’m strong and ready to fight for life. Why does it feel so wrong? i should like being alive, but i don’t, and i have nowhere to run. now i ask “did you get what you deserve?” to myself every night. you know, i’m not a good one, at all, so i know that i deserve all this horror and pain in my mind, but still, i don’t think that’s enough… cutting a little bit more… just to smell the blood… no, what the fuck’s wrong with me?! i cannot do that! i should love to have this chance to change who i am, to feel alive even when i have nothing inside, but lies and distrust. i’m not lost, i can see some light not too far from here, but i won’t trust me… how can you believe me? even worse, how can you love me? i guess i’ll never know the reason why you do that.
i’m shocked at what you’re capable of
i can’t fill this void… all i can think right now is: oh therapy, can you, please, fill the void? i really wanna die. i hate feel like that, but, sometimes i know that i could hurt me, and enjoy it… i just hate it, i hate hate me so much, but i don’t know if i could change it, you know, how could i like me if i know the monster i am inside. is there something i should find to make plans for forever?
